Trouble?

I don't like this. Always feelin' worried, upset, disappointed, betrayed; what's causing this? I don't know why but I always have a fear of talking to you. Is it because I'm afraid of getting hurt? Afraid of losing you? Afraid that we will never talk to each other ever again? Afraid that we will be forgotten and everything we had, flushed down the toilet? Fck, wish I'd know.. I'm tryna take it all in right now. It would really help if you were here with me right now.

Been hella busy with school and sht, not much time to do anything else. Finished my M.L.K. project - what a relief, and no, not milk .. adrienne! haha. So I hella panicked during lunch today cuz I forgot my french 2 book somewhere and I couldn't find it! Goddam haha. $80 for that sht? Noo thanks ... So me and Izzy checked around my previous classes, it wasn't in any of them. I felt hella bad and shit, so I decided to ditch 6th period. First time for the year alright? chill b! haha. Shoulda went home but decided to kick it with Izzy for a bit inside the office in the boys' locker room (since he's student aide n what not). I go up the stairs and stand there, fckin Izzy looks around the office and he's all like "Hey!" I turn around and he hands me my french book. LOL! Forgot I left it there for first period. Haha dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Mhm, no homework today. Fckin rest at last! HALLELUJAH! HAHA. Spelled that right, right? x]
Gettin' Left 4 Dead tomorrow, ima be playin all night with the boys. Bring it! hah.

I'm trying. I really am. My grades are bs, but I want you to know, I'm trying. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want to try, my grades are getting lower and lower. Fck this sht man, all you ever do is compare me to others. Listen to yourself, please, I beg of you, I am not them. I am me, I have my own life, I lead my own path, I can handle myself - just stop before I walk the wrong way. If you think it's so easy, why don't you try it yourself? Feel the pain I do. Feel the work I go through. Feel the type of life I'm living in. It's not always good. My life is filled with stress, emptyness, loveless, I'm basically on my own. My life is crazy - but you don't know that. Just walk in my shoes and you'll explore a whole different world.